i’m doing it again 
making a lover out of a friend
second guessing every lilt in your voice
every vowel wraps around my body
and the tv becomes white noise

i’m watching your hands instead
calculating how many inches 
i need to move to touch you 
i can’t stop guessing what you’re thinking
every glance in my direction is an answer
i want you to call me for something 
more than a smoke session

i’m inebriated every time 
i step outside your apartment 
getting into your elevator 
feeling like it’s a dumbwaiter
like i’m nothing more than an object 
plummeting to the ground 

when i come back next week, inevitably 
i’ll almost get the nerve 
to ask if you love me
but i’ll make sure i can’t hear you 
over the sounds of the tv
maybe white noise is 
all you want from me
Assia Messaoudi (she/they) is an Algerian poet born in Toronto, Ontario. Assia’s work has been featured in Descant Literary Journal (defunct), the Humber Literary Review (2017), tenderness lit magazine (2020), FEED Lit Mag (2021), and her book I Promise I Still Love You (2018). Assia's poetry has been described as “evocative imagery [that] opens up your view of yourself and the human condition.” You can get in touch with Assia on her website assiamessaoudi.com or on twitter @assiamaybe.
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